


Breathin'

by maia_m03



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Based on an Ariana Grande song, Canon Temporary Character Death, Crying Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Season/Series 06, breathin', keith - Freeform, lance - Freeform, song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 05:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16423733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maia_m03/pseuds/maia_m03
Summary: Lance woke up screaming. His eyes snapped open as the sound was ripped from his throat and he sat bolt upright. The sound coupled with the sudden movement startled Keith awake beside him."Lance?! Oh my god,"I know I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'(Breathin' by Ariana Grande)





	Breathin'

  

_******* _

_**Some days, things just take way too much of my energy** _

_**I look up and the whole room's spinning**_ __

_******* _

 

As soon as Red's paws touched down in his hanger, Lance bolted. He got to the wall closest to the door and leaned heavily against it. He closed his eyes and slid down to the floor. He tipped his head back against the cool metal as he felt tears prick his eyes.

 

> _No, not now. Please not now._ Lance begged his mind.

 

He heard his teammates' voices echoing from further down the hall. 

 

> "That-that was a close one," he heard Hunk say.
> 
> "Yeah, too close. Where's-" Keith was cut off by Pidge yelling.
> 
> "KEITH!" she yelled happily and Lance heard her tackle Keith in a hug, "You're back!"
> 
> "Yeah but not for long."

 

Lance had heard enough. He opened his eyes and pushed himself up from the ground. He immediately regretted it, he leant back against the metal again and sucked in a deep breath. It felt as if the whole room was about to implode and crush him. He had to get out of there, away from the rest of them. He needed space to think.

 

Brushing at unshed tears, Lance put on a happy smile, a mask that he has perfected over the years, and walked out of Red's hanger. 

 

> "Lance! There you are. We were wondering where'd you'd gone," Shiro smiled from beside Keith.

 

Keith. Lance didn’t know how to feel about him being back, despite it being unplanned and only for a short while. On one hand Keith was his anchor, one of the few people that Lance trusted above all else. On the other, he had gone off to join the Blades. Keith had abandoned them, abandoned Lance. 

 

> _Not now. A few more minutes and I can let everything out. Just hold out, Lance._ He reminded himself.

  

> "Yeah, I um, my helmet was knocked off during the fight. I didn’t see where it went and it took a while to find it," Lance lied.

 

He could feel Keith's eyes on him, staring straight into his soul. Lance could tell that he didn’t believe a word that he'd just said.

It looked as if Keith was about to say something about it but Lance interjected before he got the chance.

  

> "Ya'know, I think I need a shower. So…" he trailed off and gestured to the hallway to his left before disappearing down it.

 

As he walked away he could hear his teammates' voices growing fainter but he could still hear them. 

 

> "Okay," Shiro said as he watched Lance leave.

 

He heard someone take a few steps down the hallway after him but whoever it was stopped when Hunk spoke, "Let him be. He needs space."

 

> "But-" Lance heard Keith try to argue.
> 
>  
> 
> "Keith," Shiro insisted.

 

Then Lance was too far away to hear anything else.

 

He headed back to his room to change out of his armour. He threw on his jacket and left his room, heading down the hall and started wandering aimlessly.

 

After a while of walking, Lance found himself standing in front of the observation deck.

 

He sighed and opened the door, walked in and sat in the middle of the room.

Tucking his legs up to his chest, he rested his chin on his knee and stared out at the passing stars.

 

Lance sighed again and tilted his head on his knee and finally let his tears fall.

 

On today's mission Lance had found himself in a situation that was eerily familiar to him. Except this time it wasn’t Allura. This time it was Keith.

 

The team had run into him during the mission, he had been investigating the same Galra base and Keith had decided to stick with them and work together. Keith had been in his stolen Galra fighter, the group had been made and were trying to escape. A drone had locked onto Keith and fired. Lance hadn't even thought twice, he pushed Red as fast as he could go and rammed into Keith, knocking them both out of the way.

Lance had expected to get hit like last time, but the blow never came. It just went whizzing past them. He vaguely heard Keith thank him over the comms but Lance was too distracted by the sudden wave of déjà vu to hear him properly. Luckily for him it only took a few more minutes to take out enough fighters to make it back to the castle and wormhole away.

 

It reminded him that no one had noticed when he had died that first time. No one except for Allura, who had been there, but even she didn’t mention anything about it to anyone.

 

> "Hey! There you are. I was wondering where you'd gotten to. I wanted to say thank you for- Lance?" Keith cut himself off when he saw how Lance's shoulders shook with silent sobs.

 

_******* _

_**You take my cares away** _

_**I can so over-complicate, people tell me to medicate** _

_******* _

 

Keith hurried over to his friend and kneeled down beside him. He placed his hand on his shoulder and Lance flinched as if he hadn't even noticed Keith's presence.

 

Lance looked up at Keith's face and whimpered quietly before giving a fake cough to try to cover it up and scrubbed the tears from his face only for them to be replaced by new ones almost immediately. He turned his head and pointedly looked away from Keith.

 

He heard shuffling beside him as Keith shifted off of his legs and sat properly. Upon hearing this Lance turned his head even further away, not wanting Keith to see how pathetic he was being. He suddenly felt a finger on his chin and his head was being turned back to face Keith.

  

> "Lance, hey. Talk to me. Please. I want to know how I can help," Keith said softly with a sense of concern that Lance had rarely seen from him which made him whimper quietly again, "You know that, right? That you can talk to me. I care about you, Lance, despite everything that's happened between us, I still care about you. A lot."

 

_******* _

_**Feel my blood runnin', swear the sky's fallin'** _

_**How do I know if this shit's fabricated?** _

_**Time goes by and I can't control my mind** _

_**Don’t know what else to try, but you tell me every time** _

_******* _

 

As soon as Keith's words reached Lance, he flung his arms around the older boy and clung onto him as more tears streamed down his face. Lanced sniffed before just letting everything go. More tears, more sobs, more shaking.

 

Lance's head was resting on Keith's shoulder and he had a white-knuckled grip on his hood. Keith just sat there, with Lance in his arms, and rubbed soothing circles into his side and back while Lance cried. He was content to wait and allow Lance to let everything out. He figured he'd talk when he's calmed down. Hopefully.

 

After a few minutes of Lance crying on Keith's shoulder he finally started to calm himself down.

  

> "S-sorry," Lance stuttered once he had enough breath back in lungs to speak.

 

Keith furrowed his brows and pulled back from Lance to study his face, "For what?" 

 

> "For crying like a child," Lance huffed a laugh before looking to the ground with a flush of embarrassment rising on his cheeks, "I'm sorry you had to see how pathetic-"
> 
>  

> "Lance. You are not pathetic. Don't even try to argue with me on this," Keith said when Lance went to protest, "You're one of the strongest people I know, and even they have their bad days. So can you please talk to me and tell me what's going on in that head of yours?"

 

Lance sighed but gave in and nodded, "Ok."

He shifted, re-crossed his legs, and looked down as he fiddled with his fingers as he began speaking. 

 

> "I just-" he stopped to figure out how exactly he could explain the thoughts rushing through his mind and sighed again, "I just really miss my family. My mum, my dad, Veronica, Marco and Luis. My abuela. Oh God. What if she's gone by the time we get back! She was already so old and we've been gone for so long. They all probably think we're dead. She could die without knowing that I'm alive! I-" Lance started hyperventilating. Gulping for air then choking on the ragged breaths he managed to get into his lungs. 

 

> "Lance! Breathe."

 

_******* _

_**Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'** _

_**I know I gotta keep, keep on breathin'** _

_******* _

 

Keith held Lance's face between his hands. He stroked along his cheeks with his thumbs, brushing away the tears as they fell, while Lance fought to do as Keith had said and breathe. 

 

> "I-I'm not done," Lance managed to say after another minute. 

 

> "Okay. I'm listening," Keith let his hands drop. His fingers grazed down Lance's arms then settled on top of Lance's, a small gesture to prove that he's there for him.

 

Lance intertwined their fingers, squeezed Keith's hands to reassure himself, neither actually realised he had done this, and sucked in a breath before continuing, "Something happened while you were gone. We were trying to fix this planet's shield generator before the radiation belt or whatever it was came around again. We'd fixed it just in time but Allura and I couldn't get out of the way. She was right in its path. I-I acted on impulse. I rammed straight into Blue and pushed them out of the way, but I got hit instead."

 

Keith made the connection immediately, "Like what happened out there with me today."

 

Lance nodded, "Yeah, but, I died, Keith. Like all the way dead. Today reminded me of it. I'm only here now 'cause of Allura's Altean magic mojo stuff. She brought me back. But no one even realised what had happened." 

 

> "Lance-" 

 

> "It's not just that either. I get nightmares. Almost every night I relive my own death. The way that it happened, and other ways too. Horrible possibilities that could happen in the future if I'm not careful, and we all know that I'm not. But even that's not the worst. The worst things are when it's you guys instead of me. Sometimes I see one or all of you die because of my mistakes, or to save me 'cause I'd gone and done something stupid again. Whether it's me, or Shiro, or Allura, or Pidge, or Hunk, or Coran. Or even you. Oh God, that's always the worst."

  

> "Lance! Shhh. Hey, I'm here," Keith let go of Lance's hands only to grab one of his wrists and pull his hand up to his chest. He pressed Lance's hand over his heart and placed his free hand over Lance's to hold it there, "I'm alive. I'm right here in front of you. I'm here because of you, Lance, you saved my life."

 

Letting go of Lance's wrist, Keith cupped his face then moved his hand up and brushed Lance's hair out of his eyes. Lance leaned into his touch as his eyes grew droopy with the emotional exertion. They sat there together for a while; Lance calming down with his eyes closed and breaths slowly growing steady, and Keith just holding him.

  

> "You look tired," Keith said softly and brought Lance's hand down from his heart.

 

Lance nodded, "I don't really want to go back to my room yet," he glanced up at Keith, "Will you stay with me?" he asked tentatively.

 

Keith smiled softly, "Of course."

 

They both shifted so that they were laying down in the middle of the deck. Lance scooted closer to Keith and curled into his side while laying his head on his shoulder.

Keith looked up at the see-through ceiling at all of the passing stars and planets and constellations.

  

> "It's beautiful when you take the time to look, isn't it," he said.

 

Lance hummed in response, already dozing off. Keith glanced over at him before turning on his side to face the younger boy and wrapping one arm under his shoulders so he could essentially use it as a pillow, and the other around his waist, pulling him closer.

Lance was so close to him that Keith was surrounded by his smell. It was a rather cinnamon-y, vanilla scent mixed with something that he couldn't name but was so very Lance. The smell was enough to make him drowsy and he nodded off a few minutes later.

 

_*******_ __

_**Sometimes it's hard to find, find my way up into the clouds** _

_**Tune it out, they can be so loud**_ __

_******* _

 

_Fog._

_All Lance could see was fog. It was all encompassing._

 

> _"Why are we here again?" he asked to no one in particular. Red just purred in response, "You dunno either? Great."_

_Lance sighed and slumped in the pilots chair, directing Red through the fog in the direction he presumed his lion was telling him to go._

_Left. Right. Another right. Around there. Down a bit. Left. Up and over._

_They'd been flying for what felt like hours when Lance groaned as he realised he should probably flick on his comms._

 

> _"Hey guys, where the hell are we going?" he grumbled._

_Static._

 

> _"Guys? Anyone there?"_

_Static._

 

> _"Guys?! Shiro? Pidge? Keith?! Anyone?!"_

_Static._

>   _"What the hell is going on? C'mon Red, let's turn around and go find 'em."_

_Lance twisted the joystick to turn the lion around but it wouldn't budge. He tried again but it still wouldn't move._

 

> _"What the? Come on, Red, we need to find the others," Lance was seriously starting to stress._

_Red roared and ignited his booster engines, accelerating straight ahead._

 

> _"Red! What are you doing?! It's the other way!"_

_His lion ignored him and kept going and gaining speed._

_The fog cleared._

_Lance wouldn't have had time to change course even if he had control over Red. A mountain range was stood right in front of him._

_Red's body crashed full on into the mountainside and the force of the crash flung Lance out of his seat and he crashed through the windshield. The wind was freezing as it whipped around him as he fell._

_Falling._

_The ground rushing up to meet him._

_Falling._

 

Lance woke up screaming. His eyes snapped open as the sound was ripped from his throat and he sat bolt upright. The sound coupled with the sudden movement startled Keith awake beside him.

  

> "Lance?! Oh my god,"

 

_*******_ __

_**You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated** _

_**All I need is to see your face** _

_******* _

 

Keith shot up and took a moment to register what was happening. Once he got his bearings he reached across Lance's body and held his hand tightly to keep him tethered to reality and not let him slip back into thoughts of his nightmare. He rubbed circles into his back with his free hand.

 

Lance's irregular and erratic breaths and hiccups began to calm at a painfully slow rate. He leaned his head on Keith's shoulder and closed his eyes.

 

> "Shhh. Just breathe. Just keep breathing, Lance," Keith whispered.

  

> "Do you wanna talk about it?" Keith asked after a few minutes of silence has passed between the two.

 

Lance shook his head which was buried in the crook of Keith's neck, "It's just what I told you before," he mumbled.

 

Keith was quiet for another minute before moving both of his hands to Lance's shoulders and pushed him back. He looked Lance in the eye for a moment and trailed his fingers up to his neck before leaning forward and connecting their lips in a chaste kiss. Lance kissed him back almost immediately.

 

When they broke apart Lance smiled for the first time that evening, a genuinely happy smile.

 

Keith smiled softly in return and wrapped his arms around Lance's waist. Lance once again rested his head on Keith's shoulder as they lay back down on the ground together.

 

They don’t need to talk about whatever this was between them, they knew it would figure itself out, and Lance, for once, was content to not stress about it.

 

_*******_ __

_**I know I gotta keep, I keep on breathin'**_ __

_******* _

  

> "Those two have been gone for ages. Where are they?" Allura asked the group.

 

>  "I'll go find them," Shiro sighed and turned to the door, "Let's just hope they're not at each other's throats again."

 

Shiro wandered down hallways, into rooms then out again, and almost all over the entire castle looking for the two boys.

 

He was almost at the end of yet another dimmed corridor when he heard muffled voices coming from the room at the very end. He decided to walk a little quieter as he neared the doorway.

 

What he saw when he opened the door was a bit of a shock but not that surprising.

 

Lance and Keith were laying in the middle of the room, wrapped up in each other's arms, and watching the stars above them.

  

> "Do you think anything lives on that one?" Lance asked tiredly as he pointed to a planet in the distance.

  

> "I dunno. Maybe," Keith sounded just as tired to Shiro so he decided not to disturb them and shut the door silently.

 

Shiro headed back to the control room and Allura looked up when he entered.

  

> "Well? Where are they?"

  

> "They're asleep in their rooms. Let them be," Shiro continued when Allura made a move to go and get them, "They've both had a rough day. Let them rest."

 

Allura relented and turned back to the controls.

  

> "You should get some rest too, Princess. Today's taken a lot out of all of us."

  

> "Yes, I suppose you're right. In that case, goodnight, Shiro," Allura smiled then headed off to her room.

 

Shiro wouldn't tell a soul what he had seen on the observation deck. He would keep quiet and let the boys tell them when they're ready.

 

…And then he would use his knowledge to tease them endlessly.

 


End file.
